The First Apology From the Father to His Son

By Sun Liang

Wang Hao opened the door after a tiring day, what he saw was the messy dining table scattered with some instant noodles packaging and a bowl of leftover soup. Thinking that his son ate instant noodles everyday, Wang Hao felt upset. He kept repeating in his heart: “Why can’t you apologize to me? Wouldn’t it be nice if you apologize early?” At this time, Wang Hao’s thoughts went back to one month ago …

Ning Ning is already twenty plus years old; without discussing with him Wang Hao borrowed money and bought him a new house for his marriage. Then, he also told his son to give him half of his salary to repay for the house. The first month, his son did give half of his salary, which made Wang Hao feel happy. In the second month, Wang Hao thought: As long as my son gives me half of his salary this month, plus the money that I have saved, I can repay some debts. But things didn’t go as he wanted. In the second month, his son refused to give him his money. He then asked his son bewilderedly, his son said: “I just don’t want to pay.” Because his plan was disrupted, Wang Hao felt angry, but he suppressed his anger, and taught his son a “lesson”: “Ning Ning, you’ve already grown up, why are you still immature? Why do you spend money recklessly? Don’t you know how to spend money at the right place? We should learn to save money, and pay our debts as soon as possible.” But unexpectedly, his son replied impatiently: “I earned the money, so I can spend the money however I want. I don’t care if you buy a house. In truth, I didn’t ask you to buy it. I listened to everything you said since I was young and you decided everything for me. You never give me any freedom.” This reply made Wang Hao’s anger explode. He yelled: “Isn’t my buying the house for you? Without you, do I need to buy a house? You are so immature!” After this argument, Wang Hao didn’t want to say anything to his son and he couldn’t calm his heart down. Thinking he has paid so much effort for his son, but his son didn’t understand him and still argued with him, he felt so upset. Before, his son never dared to contradict him. This unexpected argument made Wang Hao feel his dignity as a father had been hurt.

Wang Had recalled: When his son visited his grandfather when he was five, his grandparents loved him so much and let him play whatever he wanted. But Wang Hao thought his son was too naughty. Worrying that his parents will spoil his son too much, Wang Hao decided to take his son back home, but his son started crying and refused to go back home. Wang Hao then slapped his son angrily. Finally, his son had no choice but to apologize to him with tears and pouted back home. When his son was ten years old, he went out with his cousin. Wang Hao set a curfew for him, and asked him to get back home early. That evening his son got back home late. Wang Hao scolded him and forced him to admit he was wrong, and promise not to do it again. Although, his son looked unhappy, he had no choice but to admit his wrong doing. Afterwards, when his son was in junior high school, Wang Hao thought that it was not safe for him to travel on his own; his son would play games when he was home, so he decided to let his son live on campus. His son refused because he didn’t like the environment in school for it was not as clean as his home. But things that Wang Hao had decided were hard to change. Although, his son was reluctant, he had to agree with him. Wang Hao even chose a profession for his son in college. All those years, no matter what Wang Hao asked his son to do, even though his son was reluctant, but he didn’t dare to rebel against his father, so Wang Hao got used to his son’s apology. This time he still waited for his son to apologize to him. But things didn’t go as he expected. Many days have passed, his son always ignored him. His son’s action showed his dissatisfaction against Wang Hao, which made Wang Hao even more angry. He wanted to give his son a lesson. So when his wife was on a business trip, he didn’t cook for his son, because he wanted to force his son to apologize to him. But his stubborn son still didn’t admit his mistakes. The cold war between the father and the son still continued.

Looking at the instant noodles packaging, how Wang Hao longed for his son to apologize, so that he could also find a reason to forgive him, but his son would rather continue this situation than apologize to him. Wang Hao also thought to forgive his son, but he couldn’t put down his dignity as the father. It was too hard for him to reconcile with his son. When he was struggling, he thought of God’s words he had read before, so he quickly opened the book. God’s word says: “Though quite a few people believe in God, may appear on the outside to be very spiritual, but with regard to the views and attitudes of parents toward children and of children toward parents, they are clueless about how to put this aspect of the truth into practice, as well as about which principles should be applied in treating and dealing with these matters. In a parent’s eyes, the parent is always a parent and the child is always a child; as such, the relationship between parent and child becomes very difficult to deal with. Actually, in a lot of things, parents refuse to budge from their status as parents. They always see themselves as the elders, and they think that at all times, children must listen to their parents, and that this fact will never change. This leads to constant resistance from their children. Such viewpoints leave both sides miserable, wretched, and exhausted. Is this not a manifestation of not understanding the truth? When people do not understand the truth, they are always constrained by status. How could they not suffer as a result?”

After reading God’s words, Wang Hao was shocked, thinking: “God’s words are too practical. It’s like the words are referring to myself, isn’t that what I am? I always use my power as a father in front of my son, and force him to listen to me. I always use the tone of blame when I communicate with him, and always think that everything I have done for him is right, is all for his own good, and that he should understand me, and accept it.” Then Wang Hao thought: No matter what his son did when he was young, he didn’t give him freedom, and even set curfew for him when he played outside; when his son made mistakes, he would scold him without asking any reason; now he has already grown up, and has his own thoughts, and he wants to buy things he likes, chooses the profession he likes, however, Wang Hao didn’t respect his son’s opinions, or understood his difficulties, and his feelings. He just forced his son to accept his preferences, but didn’t think to have a heart-to-heart talk with his son, or rely on God’s words to enlighten his son, bringing him before God. He always uses his power as a father, uses his own view to educate his son. No wonder, as the time goes, their relationship becomes more and more estranged, and the generation gap gets deeper. At this time, Wang Hao was awakened. He realized the importance of the problem. He really wanted to remove the generation gap between him and his son and get along well with him. But because of the dignity as a father, he still didn’t have the courage to have a heart-to-heart talk with his son.

When he was struggling, he began to find the right path to practice in God’s words. He saw God’s words say: “In such cases, then, how is the truth to be practiced? (By letting go of yourself.) What does letting go mean? With what sort of viewpoint and attitude should you treat this matter in order to genuinely let go? How do you implement this letting go? It is actually pretty simple. You must be an ordinary person, and not constrained by status. Treat your children and other members of your family the same as you would ordinary brothers or sisters. Although you have a responsibility toward them, and a relationship of the flesh with them, nevertheless, the position and perspective you should have is the same as you should have with friends or ordinary brothers and sisters. You absolutely must not stand in the position of a parent, and must not hold your children back, fetter them, or try to control everything about them. You should treat them as equals. You should allow them to make mistakes, to say the wrong things, to do childish and immature things, and to do stupid things. No matter what happens, you should sit down and calmly talk with them, and seek the truth. In this way, you will be talking to them with the right attitude, and the problem will be resolved. What are you letting go of here? You are letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility you think you should assume as a parent; instead, it is enough that you do the best you can in terms of responsibility as an ordinary brother or sister. … Furthermore, many parents think that as long as it is for their children’s sake, whatever they do is right. They truly have such thoughts and points of view. How could you not make mistakes? You, too, are a corrupted human, so how can you determine that you are without error? As long as you admit that you do not possess the truth and that you are a corrupted human, then you have faults and can make mistakes. You are capable of making mistakes—yet how is it that at every turn, you try to take charge of your children and make them constantly obey you? Is this not an arrogant disposition? This is an arrogant disposition, and a ferocious one at that.” Wang Hao pondered God’s words, and realized that he always treated his son strictly, didn’t allow him to go wrong, but he never reflected on himself whether he was right or wrong. He always forced his son to obey him, thinking what he had done was good for his son and that his son should listen to him unconditionally. He never thought of letting go of the position and status of a parent, and listened to any of his son’s opinions. He finally realized that he was too arrogant! From God’s words, Wang Hao saw God’s essence is beautiful, and that the truth expressed by God is all positive, which includes God’s love for man and His thoughtful intention. God wishes to see that all human beings can obtain the truth under His watering, have a better relationship with others, and live out a normal humanity with happiness, not tormented or fooled by Satan anymore. Wang Hao thought: Although he believed in God, he didn’t understand God’s heart, nor did he practice God’s words. He was controlled by satanic disposition, and always did things that disappointed God. The more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable and guilty he felt, so he encouraged himself to put down his dignity as a father and practice God’s words. He didn’t want to live relying on arrogant disposition anymore. He decided to talk to his son, and apologize for all the harm he caused to him in the past few years.

Wang Hao walked to his son’s door, however, he wandered for some time there. Every time when he wanted to open the door, his vanity started to work. He still couldn’t lower himself down. So he went back to his room and prayed: “O God! I want to put down the dignity as a father, and put down the vanity inside me to practice your words, but my corruption is so deep, and it’s too hard for me to lower myself down. O God! Please give me power, so that I can defeat my corrupt dispositions …” After praying, Wang Hao had the power to practice the truth. He took a deep breathe, opened his son’s door, sat beside his son and said gently, “Ning Ning, let’s have a heart-to-heart conversation.” Ning Ning was stunned for a moment. A little embarrassed, he looked at Wang Hao and then lowered his head down, pretending to play with his phone. Wang Hao said, “I have been too harsh on you, never considered or understood your thoughts, but forced you to do things that I asked you to do. If you don’t listen to me, I will get angry. I am too arrogant.” His son listened attentively. Seeing his son’s attitude towards him get better, Wang Hao paused for a while and continued saying: “I always think that since you are my son, I can control you. No matter what I do, as long as I think it is something good for you, you should listen, and I always force to add my own opinions to you, decide everything for you, not listening to your opinions and your ideas. For all these years, I kept controlling over you. But from now on, I will not do this again. If something happens, we can discuss it together.” His son was ashamed of himself, looking at his father with a smile on his face, and the hate in his eyes disappeared. He said, because he bought a new game console, he did not leave much money this month. He didn’t dare to tell the truth, but promised to pay half of his salary next month. After hearing that, Wang Hao felt relaxed. Their relationship got closer. At that time, Wang Hao remembered that his son did not eat well for many days already, then he raised his voice purposely: “Ning Ning, what do you want to eat? I will buy for you!” He never expected that his son replied: “Let us not spend money, just cook at home.” His son didn’t like his cooking. If it was in the past, his son would not hesitate and say what he wanted to eat and let Wang Hao go to buy for him. That day, his son wanted to eat the food that he cooked, which really made Wang Hao touched. He realized his son was not immature, but he and his son lacked communication, and he was not willing to lower himself down. All of these brought harm to his son, and also caused generation gap.

After they had a heart-to-heart conversation, the generation gap between them disappeared. Wang Hao felt relieved, and had an unspeakable happy. He recalled that when he saw his son and his wife talk happily, he envied them very much. Now Wang Hao can also open his heart and talk to his son, their relationship becomes closer. Sometimes they also fellowship God’s words together, and he doesn’t ask his son to do things according to his will. He never expected that his son would become more cautious and obedient than before. After experiencing this matter, Wang Hao knows that only by practicing God’s words can he have a normal humanity, and have a good relationship with his son. It is God’s word that changed him.