God Resolved the Hatred in My Heart

By Li Fan

People often say, “Things turn into their opposites when they reach the extreme.” Deep love can turn into hatred. The more you love, the more you hate. Only those who have experienced the pain can truly have such feelings. And Xiao Yun is the one who has suffered such extreme pain.

When Xiao Yun was 9 years old, her father brought a pretty auntie home. Xiao Yun liked her because she was beautiful. But later, Xiao Yun found that the sweet smile on her mother’s face disappeared since the auntie came. Several years later, two younger sisters joined her family. They called her father “dad” and called the auntie “mom.” What’s more, with the growth of the younger sisters, obviously her father loved her less and sometimes scolded her for the younger sisters. Xiao Yun just didn’t understand why her father, who once loved her so much, treated her that way for the “outsiders.” Xiao Yun felt extremely aggrieved. She cried out to her mother, hoping her mother, who was fond of her, could do her justice. However, her mother told her a fact that she just could not accept: Her father is having an affair, and the two sisters are the daughters of her father and the auntie as well as her half-sisters. “How does such an event shown on TV truly occur in my life?” Xiao Yun wondered.

Gradually, Xiao Yun found that her status in her father’s heart became lower and lower because of the two sisters. Her father began to spend most of his time accompanying the auntie and their daughters and seldom came back home. Even if he occasionally came back home, he and her mother would come to blows, and sometimes they even confronted each other with a knife or a stool in their hands. Xiao Yun often feared that the knife would fall. Her parents’ quarrel often roused her and her brother at midnight. Her parents loved each other before, but because of the auntie, they often quarreled, and her happy family was broken …

Especially, her father’s favoritism toward the younger sisters made Xiao Yun jealous. “My father’s love belongs to me, but now it is taken away by the two little girls.” The more Xiao Yun thought, the angrier she was. She hated them from the bottom of her heart, because they had stolen her happy family.

Once, Xiao Yun inadvertently heard the auntie asking her father to transfer the house property into her name. Xiao Yun realized that the woman not only had ruined their life, but also wanted to take away everything of them. In this matter her mother was the direct victim. She once found a bottle of toxic liquid in her mother’s room. Xiao Yun knew that because of the auntie’s appearance and her father’s heartlessness, her mother had been feeling world-weariness and if it were not because her mother’s not being able to let go of her and her younger brother, her mother would have already drunk the toxic liquid. Xiao Yun thought: Now mom is depressed, so it is impossible for her to protect the property. I must stand up and protect our interests from harm.

When the auntie came again, Xiao Yun said to her, “Since you don’t respect us, then you don’t expect to get our respect.” From that day on, Xiao Yun often thought of how to transfer the house into the names of her brother and her. She, at such a young age, began to watch law programs and read many law books, learning how the adults protected their own interests with the law. Xiao Yun thought that only the law was her best weapon. If one day the auntie and her father forced them to the end, she would surely resist by legal means.

Xiao Yun, a teenage girl, was laden with anxiety all day long. While her peers still were living in their parents’ indulgence, she lived in fear and anxiety. Especially when Xiao Yun didn’t see her mother after getting home from school, she would hurry to see whether the bottle of toxic liquid was still there, for she thought that her mother would be dead if it was not there. The fear followed her every day and made her have an implacable hatred of her father and the auntie. She thought: If it were not for them, her family would not have become like this; if it were not for them, she would not have been full of hatred at a very young age. Hatred causes grief and pain to oneself, and the pain of hating one’s father who once loved her is even greater. Only those who have experienced it can have a deep understanding about this kind of inner torment.

Xiao Yun learned the legal knowledge as always. She still constantly thought of how to drive the auntie away by legal means and how to transfer her father’s house and car into the names of her brother and her. And so, she lived in anguish, filled with bitter hatred for them.

In the winter of 2009, an auntie she had never met before came to her house. Xiao Yun found that there was a long-lost smile appearing on her mother’s face after the auntie had a talk with her. Xiao Yun hadn’t seen her mother smiling so happily like that for several years, so she liked the auntie from the bottom of her heart. After that, some uncles and aunties often came to her house to have meetings. Seeing that her mother’s mood got better and better after having meetings with them, Xiao Yun began to be curious: What did they say to my mom? How did they help my mom walk out from the pain so easily? Xiao Yun saw clearly that though her mother did not completely put aside the hatred of her father and the auntie, the knot in her heart seemed to be untied and she no longer lived in pain.

When the uncles and aunties came to have a meeting again, her mother asked her and her brother to join them. Xiao Yun heard them read God’s words: “Since the creation of the world, I have begun to predestine and select this group of people—namely, you of today. Your temperament, caliber, appearance, and stature, your family into which you were born, your job, and your marriage—you in your entirety, even including the color of your hair and your skin, and your time of birth—were all arranged by My hands. I arranged by hand even the things you do and the people you meet every single day, not to mention the fact that bringing you into My presence today was actually done by My arrangement. Do not throw yourself into disorder; you should proceed calmly.”

Xiao Yun had never heard these words before, but when hearing them she felt so warm and felt familiar with them. These words were like a mother using her hands to touch her sore spot and softly telling her: The family in which you were born has been predestined by God long before. God knows everything you encounter. Don’t feel sorrowful and painful. God is your reliance! Before, Xiao Yun often thought: Why was I born in such a family? Why did such a misfortune occur in my family? Even herding cattle in a poor and rural area would be better than living such a life in such an environment. The hatred tormented Xiao Yun to be in constant suffering. She always wanted to grow up quickly. She thought only when she grew up could she retaliate against them; only when she grew up could she protect her mother; and only when she grew up could she be free from all these things. But after she heard the words of God, under the guidance of God, Xiao Yun suddenly realized: What if I succeed in retaliating against them? Will I really be happy? Isn’t it the fact that I have already been hurt and it is difficult to heal my wounds?

Xiao Yun began to put down the law books and pick up the book of God’s word. With a great hunger and thirst, she read piece after piece: “God Is the Source of Man’s Life,” “God Presides Over the Fate of All Mankind,” “You Should Know How the Whole of Humanity Has Developed to the Present Day,” and so on. The piece after piece of God’s words delivered to Xiao Yun the truth she had never heard before. These words not only consoled her sorrowful heart but also made her see the origin of mankind’s corruption and understand that all the pain was brought to mankind by Satan. Xiao Yun came to know that the emotional entanglement among her father, her mother, and the auntie was the result of their being afflicted by Satan. Because they had no truth, they could not free themselves from the entanglement but only be tormented by Satan, suffering unspeakable pain with no strength to fight. And she herself was also deeply afflicted by Satan. In order to retaliate against her father and the auntie and protect her mother, she acted according to the satanic poison “It’s never too late to take one’s revenge” and plotted to retaliate against her father and the auntie all day long, living in hatred at a young age. Xiao Yun saw God’s words saying, “Cruel mankind! The connivance and intrigue, the snatching and grabbing one from another, the scramble for fame and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end?” She understood: God’s words really expose and analyze the ugliness that mankind expresses after we were corrupted by Satan. For our own sake, we can become enemies. Even the love between a husband and wife or a father and daughter is too fragile to stand any kind of test. Pondering God’s words, Xiao Yun found that all of them, her parents, the auntie, and her, were victims of Satan’s torment. She thought: In the past my mom and I did not understand the truth and lived in hatred. Now, God’s salvation comes upon us. We should believe in God’s word, live in accordance with God’s word, and no longer live in the torment of Satan. When Xiao Yun told her thoughts to her mother, her mother cried. She knew that it was God who saved her and her daughter.

When the auntie and her father came again, Xiao Yun could face them calmly by relying on God. What’s more, her mother asked the brothers and sisters to preach the gospel to them. They both were unwilling to accept. But when her father saw that Xiao Yun and her mother actually put aside the hatred of him and even accepted him and the auntie after they believed in God, he admitted that the One they believed in was the true God and he supported their faith in God.

Gradually, Xiao Yun grew up. As she read more of God’s word, she saw clearly: In present-day society, keeping mistresses has become a social phenomenon. The appearance of a mistress has caused so many harmonious families to be broken or ruined. Not only do the adults get hurt, but the children also suffer unrelieved misery in their hearts. In fact, be it the one who has an affair or the victim, they all live in the torment of Satan. Although they have suffered so much, they are powerless to extricate themselves. It must be said that Satan has really put a certain amount of effort into afflicting people. If it were not for God’s salvation, Xiao Yun and her mother would live in pain and torment all their life, just like many other victims. Thinking back to the past, Xiao Yun felt that God’s love for her and her mother was really so great.

Under God’s leadership, Xiao Yun finally put aside the hatred of her father and the auntie and was freed from the pain. Gradually, her two younger sisters grew up. They considerately helped her mother with the housework, and the elder one of them also had meetings with the brothers and sisters and read God’s word every day. Through her experience, Xiao Yun saw that she could not escape the fate of her life, but she could rely on God’s word to change her viewpoints on things and learn to rationally treat things that happened to her. Now, Xiao Yun has been abroad and is still performing her duty as a created being under the leading of God. Xiao Yun felt in the bottom of her heart that without God’s salvation, she would not be what she is now. She made a resolution that she will perform her duty faithfully to repay the great love of God!