How to Treat a Friend Who Is Better Than You

By Hongmei

 Xiaoxiao was an extroverted girl, and worked in a well-known advertising company. She made a lot of good friends there, and Xia Qing was one of them. Xia Qing was a very kind person who had compassion and patience for people. So Xiaoxiao would tell Xia Qing all her worries and difficulties, and Xia Qing would also comfort and help her. During their leisure time, they would see films and eat together, and chat with each other about their own worries. Gradually, they became the best friends. Xiaoxiao often thanked God for arranging such a good sister for her.

One day, the manager found Xiaoxiao and Xia Qing, and asked each of them to create a special design for advertisement. At that point, neither of them was very clear on this composition. After they got their dormitory from work, they went online to search the materials on this subject together, striving to finish the assignment that the manager gave them ahead of time.

After several days of efforts, Xiaoxiao finally worked out her composition. Looking at it, she was very satisfied, thinking that this time, the manager and colleagues would surely praise her. At this moment, Xia Qing said that she also finished hers and explained the thinking of her design to Xiaoxiao. Xiaoxiao saw that the composition which Xia Qing designed was better than hers; the smile fell from her face immediately. She thought: Xia Qing’s composition is really better than mine. If hers is chosen by the manager, then how will the manager see me? Usually, I work harder than her, but my accomplishment is not as good as hers. How will everyone see me? How will I be able to face them then?

Afterward, Xiaoxiao unwillingly showed Xia Qing her composition. After seeing it, Xia Qing pointed out some improper design in Xiaoxiao’s composition. Xiaoxiao felt extremely awful inside. The more Xia Qing gave direction to her, the more she thought that she was much inferior to Xia Qing, and her face became hotter and hotter. Not only did Xiaoxiao not listen to the advice of Xia Qing, but she even wanted to find some problems from the composition of Xia Qing, so that her heart would be settled. But she saw that Xia Qing designed so well that she could not find out any problems. In order to save her face, Xiaoxiao began to explain the inspiration when she designed her composition. But Xia Qing still thought that the composition of Xiaoxiao had some deficiencies. After their two compositions were both taken to the manager, the manager finally adopted Xia Qing’s and praised her. Seeing that Xia Qing stole her glory, Xiaoxiao standing aside felt very frustrated inside, the smile on her face got stiff and she did not want to look at Xia Qing in the eye.

Seeing that Xiaoxiao was moody and in no mood for having lunch, Xia Qing asked Xiaoxiao with concern: “What’s wrong? Is something on your mind?” Xiaoxiao did not directly answer her, but said simply: “Nothing, I just feel a bit tired.”

From that time on, while at work every day, Xiaoxiao did not want to take the initiative to communicate with Xia Qing, but only wanted to shun Xia Qing. Every time she came back to the dormitory from work, she did not want to greet Xia Qing actively. She felt a little troubled inside and was not happy with Xia Qing’s words and actions. Gradually, their communication had reduced, and the past situation where they talked and laughed as if they were true sisters also disappeared.

From then on, Xiaoxiao stayed up to work overtime every day, competing with Xia Qing inwardly: I have to work hard. I have to surpass Xia Qing! However, for an unknown reason, the more she wanted to do well, the more mistakes she made when at work, and she was even criticized by the manager several times, so she felt even more that she had lost her face. Xiaoxiao felt extreme sadness in her heart and thought: I work so hard, but why is the result still like this? She felt very depressed in her heart.

In despair, she had no choice but to come before God and pray: “Oh God! Now I feel so painful. My work doesn’t go well, and I also have a problem with my interpersonal relationship. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. God, I don’t know what I should do. I wish for You to guide me.” After praying, she saw these words of God: “As soon as it involves position, face, or reputation, everyone’s heart leaps in anticipation, and you always want to stand out, to be famous, to be glorified. You are unwilling to yield, always wanting to contend, although contending is embarrassing. However, you are not content not to contend. When you see someone stand out, you are jealous, feel hatred, complain, and feel it is unfair. ‘Why can’t I stand out? Why is it never me? Why is it always he who gets to stand out and it’s never my turn?’ There is some resentment. You try to repress the resentment, but you can’t, so you pray. After praying, you feel better for a little while, but later when you encounter the matter again you cannot overcome it. Is this not a case of immature stature? Is not a person’s falling into these conditions a trap? This is the bondage of a satanically corrupted nature. … If you are always focusing on these things, always struggling for these things, if your heart is fully occupied and filled by these things, if you never want to put them aside and you always harbor them without putting them aside, then you are being controlled by and bound by these things. You have become a slave, and you cannot give them up.”

After seeing God’s words, Xiaoxiao had an awakening: The reason she felt so painful and depressed was because she had fallen into the net of competing for fame. She recalled: Since the manager asked each of them to design the composition, Xia Qing did better than her and pointed out some deficiencies in her composition to her, so she thought that she lost her face; especially the manager adopted the composition of Xia Qing, which even made her feel frustrated. Therefore, she began to compete with Xia Qing inwardly and thought that she must surpass Xia Qing. As a result, she always wanted to show herself off before her colleagues and manager, could not bear to see that Xia Qing was higher and better than her, much less could she accept her advice; instead, she thought that Xia Qing was to show off and to embarrass her by pointing out her deficiencies…. It turned out that all this because she was placing far too much importance on status that she struggled for fame and gain and sought to prevail over others. It was because of jealousy that she strayed from and disliked Xia Qing. However, the more she wanted to show off and pursued face and status, the more she was disgraced and failed, so she felt even more pained in her heart, living in the deception of Satan.

Only then did Xiaoxiao deeply feel that the fame and status which she pursued was a heavy burden. It not only brought her the pain but made her be completely lacking in humanity. She thought that there were so many employees in this company, but no one helped her and pointed out her deficiencies like Xia Qing. In fact, she really did not possess some professional knowledge that Xia Qing did, the problems that Xia Qing pointed out indeed existed, and Xia Qing’s advice could just complement her deficiencies. Besides, Xia Qing also told her own conception of design to Xiaoxiao, in order to make Xiaoxiao’s professional work improve. However, for the sake of fame and face, Xiaoxiao not only did not modestly learn from Xia Qing but envied and shunned her. The status and fame had really gone to Xiaoxiao’s head.

Xiaoxiao saw more of God’s words: “How are these things cast off? Do you have a solution? First, you must see through them, and then you must learn to give up these things and set them aside. If you are always focusing on these things, always struggling for these things, if your heart is fully occupied and filled by these things, if you never want to put them aside and you always harbor them without putting them aside, then you are being controlled by and bound by these things. You have become a slave, and you cannot give them up. You must learn to give up and set aside these things, to yield, to recommend others, to allow them to stand out. Do not struggle furiously and rush to take advantage as soon as you encounter an opportunity to stand out or obtain honor. … The more you give up and set aside, the more peaceful your heart will be and the more space will open up within it, and the more your condition will improve. The more you struggle and compete, the darker will be your condition.” God’s words, like a bright light, lighted up Xiaoxiao’s heart. She understood that only by forsaking her flesh to put her own desires aside, not struggling for fame and gain with others anymore, but trying her best to do the work well and learning the strengths of others in professional work, could her conscience be clear on the work. Besides, she would not live in the condition of seeking to prevail over others all day long and make herself feel a lot of pressure and live very tired because she always compared with others. In this way, her spirit would become more and more released, and her relationships with other people would become better and better. Xiaoxiao thought that if she continued to live relying on this corrupt disposition, did not put her vanity and desire for status aside and did not accept Xia Qiang’s advice, then not only would her professional work not improve more, but she would lose the best friend and the dignity of being a person, and moreover, she would make herself fall into endless darkness.

At this moment, Xiaoxiao understood God’s will. She wanted to act according to the demands of God’s word: learning to let go of the fame and status. She prayed to God: “Oh God, I thank and praise You. It was Your enlightenment that allowed me to understand Your will and know what I should pursue and what kind of person I should be. God, I’m willing to act according to Your words. I wish for You to lead me so that I can forsake myself, practice the truth and not be fooled and harmed by face and status anymore.” After she prayed, the darkness in her heart unknowingly dissipated a lot and the smile of earlier times appeared on her face again.

The next day, when entering into the office, Xiaoxiao saw that Xia Qing was already immersed in her work. She came near to Xia Qing and saw that she was designing a composition. Seeing that this composition was very novel, Xiaoxiao unknowingly compared it with hers again, thinking that Xia Qing’s was still better than hers. While admiring Xia Qing, she unknowingly felt a little disappointed, thinking: We do the same kind of work, but why cannot I do as well as her? How will others see me? Her work capabilities are so good, and when can I surpass her? She realized that her desire for fame and status stalked again. Thinking about God’s words that she had read before, she clearly realized that she could not let the fame and status have the advantage anymore, that struggling for fame and gain with others was Satan’s corrupt disposition and not the things essential for normal humanity, and that when seeing Xia Qing’s advantages and strengths, she should modestly learn from her, seeing how she designed and revised the composition. When Xiaoxiao consciously humbled herself, she was not jealous of Xia Qing anymore and did not feel so awful. She took the initiative to ask Xia Qing the questions about design and Xia Qing told the conception and inspiration of her design to Xiaoxiao. Xiaoxiao carefully contemplated the conception of Xia Qing, and found it could complement her design, so she accepted it. At this moment, she felt that it was wonderful that there was a person at hand who was better than her, because the person could make up for some deficiencies of her professional work. This truly was God’s love for her. This time, Xiaoxiao tasted the happiness of practicing the truth, feeling at great ease and peace in her heart, as if she had thrown off a heavy burden.

After these experiences, Xiaoxiao has known the secret to getting along with others happily: We need to learn to humble ourselves, to put fame and status aside and to learn from the strengths of others. In this way, our professional work can be complemented; in addition, we can establish good relationships and live easily and freely.