Learning to Let Go of Myself, I Feel Released in Spirit (II)

By Aimu, Malaysia

The next morning, thinking of my commitment to God the night before, I felt a little regretful: Did I really need to apologize to my subordinates? Yes, they usually loved to gossip, but if I really apologized to them, and they told the other departments, then how would I look in their eyes? I thought it over and over again, but still felt embarrassed to do so. The third evening after work, the sister sent me a message and asked me whether I had apologized to my subordinates. I made an excuse by saying that I’d forgotten to do so because I had been too busy at work. The sister said, “That’s just an excuse. You’re avoiding the apology, aren’t you?” I felt ashamed and said, “No, I’m not. I’ll apologize to them tomorrow.”

When I was about to go to work the next day, the sister sent a message to remind me to practice the truth. I felt under pressure, but I knew I shouldn’t avoid it anymore, otherwise I would have no credibility left. After arriving at the company, I looked at my watch: The subordinates would be coming in a few minutes. I was anxious, and couldn’t sit still. The very thought of apologizing to them caused me great suffering. I still couldn’t practice it, and really wanted to give up the idea at that moment: I really couldn’t do that, so I would have to lie to the sister and say that I’d apologized. I thought maybe it was OK to tell a lie once. But soon I gave up this idea, because if I did lie, I would feel more uneasy and it would compound my mistake. I didn’t know what to do. Just then, God’s words occurred to me: “While practicing the truth, it is inevitable that one will suffer inside; if, when they put the truth into practice, everything within people were right, then they would not need to be made perfect by God, and there would be no battle, and they would not suffer. It is because there are many things within people that are not fit for use by God, and because there is much of the rebellious disposition of the flesh, that people need to learn the lesson of rebelling against the flesh more profoundly. This is what God calls the suffering that He asked man to undergo with Him.” From God’s words I realized that I was deeply corrupted by Satan, which made it so difficult for me to practice the truth and live out proper humanity. At that time, I realized that we greatly need God’s salvation and understood that today God created such a situation not to humiliate me, but to save me from the bondage of Satan and help me live out the likeness of a normal person. Therefore, in my heart I prayed to God silently for strength and courage, with which I could practice the truth to testify for God. After praying, I gradually calmed down. All the subordinates were at work by then, and so I asked them to come to the meeting room. I first said sorry to them and then laid myself open to them, confessing I had done things that hurt them before, and asking for their forgiveness. After the apology, it felt like a very heavy weight had been lifted from me and I felt relaxed. They were surprised by my behavior, but they all showed understanding for the great pressure I had as a leader. Seeing they were so reasonable, I felt ashamed: They were really good people, but I’d treated them so badly. I was so corrupt.

From then on, I often had meals with them, and asked if there was anything they didn’t understand at work. I helped them as much as possible. They also talked with me about their families and work. After interacting with them for some time, I came to see that they were all very kind, just like my older relatives. Our relationship became harmonious.

Because a lot of the work was done by myself, I often felt physically and mentally exhausted. Once in a meeting, the brothers and sisters asked how I’d been recently. I told them my opinions on my subordinates and the pressure I faced at work. Then a sister said, “Actually, all things of God’s creation are perfect. Everyone has their strengths. If we often think we are better than others, it shows that we are too arrogant. Let’s read two passages of God’s words: ‘Among all things of creation, from the great to the small, from the small to the microscopic, there was none which was not created by the authority and power of the Creator, and there was a unique and inherent necessity and value to the existence of each creature. Regardless of the differences in their shape and structure, they had but to be made by the Creator to exist under the authority of the Creator.’ ‘Do not be self-righteous; take the strengths of others to offset your own deficiencies…. If you regard others as less than you, you are self-righteous, conceited, and of benefit to no one.’” After reading God’s words, the sister continued to fellowship this: “God is righteous. Though He gives each of us different calibers and capabilities, there is value in the existence of each creature. Our feelings of being superior to others and looking down upon others result from our arrogant and self-righteous disposition, which leads us to compare our advantages with others’ disadvantages. Thus we don’t treat others fairly, much less let them fulfill their duties. You’d be better trying to help them find their own level at work and bring out the best in them, and thus they will do the work well. At the same time, you can learn from others’ strong points to make up your own deficiencies, and enhance your own work performance in return.”

After listening to the sister’s fellowship, I felt somewhat enlightened: I always exalted myself and belittled others because of my college degree and the expertise I’d mastered. It turns out this resulted from my arrogant and conceited nature. Even people who don’t believe in God all say that “Everybody can do something,” but why couldn’t I see others’ strengths? If they were really good for nothing, how could they have worked in the company for so long? Maybe I was wrong. I should try to give full play to their strengths, and cooperate with them to do the work. At that moment, I felt a little relieved. The next day, I gradually began to assign them tasks.

One evening several days later, I had something else to do, so I had to get off work early. However, there were still some problems to work out. When I was worrying about what to do, I suddenly remembered the sister once fellowshiped that each person had his or her own strengths, and that we should trust others and not underestimate them. So I let go and entrusted it to my subordinates, and offered several possible solutions for their reference. The next day, the manager asked me to go to his office. I felt nervous: Was there anything wrong with the work I let my subordinates do yesterday? When I walked into the manager’s office and saw his serious expression, I felt even more nervous, thinking: “There must be something wrong with yesterday’s work. This time I will definitely be scolded by him again.” I was just looking around and didn’t know what to do when the manager suddenly stretched out his hand to shake hands with me. Before I realized what was happening, the manager shook my hand and smiled at me, “The customer called this morning and said that our team did great. All their problems were solved efficiently. It’s all down to you.” I was very surprised to hear his words. I knew my subordinates should take credit for that rather than I. So I honestly told the manager, “I assigned the work to my subordinates yesterday and left early because I had something else to deal with. It’s all down to them.” However, the manager said, “This is because you exercised good leadership.” I hadn’t expected that the manager would praise me, and it made me very happy. But what made me more excited was that I truly saw God’s deeds and experienced that His words are the truth. As long as I practiced according to God’s words, I would see the authority of His words. Thank God!

After this, I rearranged my management technique. First, I chose two men from the ten as team leaders. As for the subordinates with inferior capabilities, I asked them to learn what they could from the leaders. I was in charge of training the leaders. Thus, I would have more time to do my own things. After implementing this arrangement, I found they each brought their own merits into play. Some were experienced and could get the key points to the problems, and solve them. Some worked slowly, but they were careful and steady, so they seldom made mistakes. Some liked to study, so when they met a problem that they didn’t understand, they would search the internet and watch videos to find solutions. More to the point, when my subordinates were busy at work, they would no longer play on their cell phones. Seeing these results, I was moved very much. I realized that I had been very ignorant and foolish in the past. If I had trained them earlier, I wouldn’t have been that tired. How harmful the arrogant and self-righteous corrupt disposition was!

Once in a meeting, a sister fellowshiped this with us, “After we were corrupted by Satan, it instilled all kinds of satanic poisons into our heart. As we live with these satanic poisons in us, everything we reveal is a corrupt disposition. For example, when we live by the satanic poisonous idea of ‘I am my own lord,’ our disposition is filled with arrogance and conceit. In everything, we are self-centered, always trying to make others obey us, and we are unable to accept others’ suggestions easily. Therefore, if we want to solve the corrupt disposition of being arrogant and conceited, we must accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s word, reflect on our corrupt disposition and then practice the truth and live by God’s words.”

From her fellowship, I realized that the corrupt disposition of arrogance and conceit is deeply rooted in each of us and it dominates our every word and deed. It is a satanic disposition which needs solving urgently. Knowing this, afterward when I was with others, I learned to put myself aside. When discussing the work, I would give each worker the chance to voice their opinions. And when we disagreed with each other, I would no longer insist on my own opinions, but put the matter to a vote to decide which plan was better for the company. When I did this, I found that though my subordinates’ suggestions were conventional, they were worth listening to. Combining their suggestions with my proposals often made perfect sense.

One day, I read God’s words: “In his life, if man wishes to be cleansed and achieve changes in his disposition, if he wishes to live out a life of meaning and fulfill his duty as a creature, then he must accept God’s chastisement and judgment, and must not allow God’s discipline and God’s smiting to depart from him, in order that he may free himself from the manipulation and influence of Satan, and live in the light of God. Know that God’s chastisement and judgment is the light, and the light of man’s salvation, and that there is no better blessing, grace or protection for man.” Pondering God’s words, I recalled my previous experience. I was an arrogant and self-righteous person, who didn’t know how to respect and be considerate toward others, and had no love for others. Through the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, I came to know my arrogant corrupt disposition gradually. When I practiced according to God’s words, learning to put myself aside and no longer treating others relying on my arrogant disposition, I gained the praise and respect of my colleagues and my heart obtained true release. I deeply felt  that God’s judgment and chastisement is the light, the indeed greatest blessing and protection for us humans. Only His judgment and chastisement can enable me to know my corrupt disposition, and to cast it off and live out proper humanity. I am willing to accept more of His judgment and chastisement, and live as a genuine person to comfort His heart. All glory be to God!

The End.

Part One: Learning to Let Go of Myself, I Feel Released in Spirit (I)