Testimony in Marriage: Who Resolved My Family’s Conflicts?

By Zhuiqiu

I’m a cosmetologist and my husband is a farmer. We got to know each other during a Chinese Valentine’s Day activity found in Malaysia: throwing mandarin oranges. One year later, we had a church wedding in the presence of a priest as our witness. When I heard the priest praying for our marriage, my eyes became moist, and I prayed to God silently, “I hope this man can look after and take care of me without change or pause and can accompany me through my whole life.” At that moment, I was deeply moved; I even felt my heart was weeping unceasingly.

But once our marriage actually started, the conflicts between us began to appear. Every day, my husband went out to sell vegetables at 4 a.m. or so, and came back after 7 p.m., but when I got off work, it was already after 10 p.m., so we seldom had time for each other. When I dragged my exhausted body home, I wanted his concern, care and understanding, such as asking me how my work was going or whether I felt happy or not. However, almost every time when I got back home, I saw him either watching TV or playing with his phone, and sometimes he even didn’t greet me, as if I didn’t exist. All this made me very depressed.

Sometimes, when I experienced some friction with my colleagues or customers, I would complain about it to him. Once, there were some conflicts between a customer and me at work. I felt very troubled, so I complained about it to him after getting back home, but he just responded “Oh” as he played with his phone. Seeing him giving me the cold shoulder, I said in a tone of anger: “Did you hear what I said?” He looked up at me and said, “Yes!” Then he bowed his head and continued playing with his phone. His indifferent attitude toward me made me feel very hurt. So I shouted at him, “Can’t you reply since you’ve heard? Are you a wooden puppet? Can’t you chat? Do I also need to speak with you on the phone?” Seeing that I was starting to nag, he didn’t pay any attention to me anymore. But the more he didn’t speak, the angrier I became in my heart, insisting on forcing him to speak, so I kept speaking. Then, he suddenly yelled, “You’ve said enough!” I was so frightened that I suddenly stopped speaking. But right after that, I continued quarreling with him and my voice was louder than his. Finally, not until he stopped speaking first did our quarrel come to an end. On another occasion, I spoke about my grievances at work to him. I thought he would comfort me, but to my surprise, he actually said, “All you have seen are problems with others, but you are unable to look for fault within yourself. It takes two to tango.” His words made me mad. I thought: “What type of person is he? He even doesn’t know how to comfort his own wife. He’s just like a fool.” Afterward, I seldom told him about the issues I encountered in my company because I thought even if I told him, he wouldn’t be understanding of my feelings. Later, he did try to ask about my job, but I was already in no mood to respond him. Gradually, he asked me no further questions, and the things we could talk about became less and less. When I encountered troublesome matters again, I would go out to drink with my friends and complain then, and sometimes I didn’t go back home until dawn. Seeing I often got home so late, my husband said I treated our house as a hotel, and even my mother-in-law and brother-in-law also put the blame onto me, which made me feel quite unbalanced inside. Hence, I was even more resentful of my husband, feeling he didn’t have the ability to protect me. As a result, we constantly quarreled with each other. Sometimes, after quarreling, he didn’t talk with me for several days or even a week. I was angered even more by this, feeling that he must have grown weary of me.

One night, after supper, I was playing with our child in my arms on the sofa. My husband was playing with his stuff. I asked him, “Do you hate me? Why do you always give me the cold shoulder? If you have some thoughts about me, just speak straight!” He didn’t utter a word, so I continued asking until he really became impatient and then he yelled at me, “Don’t ask anymore. Every day you have so many questions. I’m bored stiff of it!” Seeing his reaction, my anger rose immediately: “You blew your top but you didn’t answer my question. What on earth do you want? How could I have married somebody like you?!” Then, we started to quarrel with each other. While quarreling, he stood up and gave me a push, and I fell onto the sofa. When he actually got violent with me, I couldn’t bear it anymore. I felt there was no way I could continue to live with him anymore, so I put our child down and ran into the bedroom in tears to find our marriage certificate. Upon seeing that I’d found it, he came to grab it off me, but as he tried to do so his body pressed down hard on my wrist. Immediately, I felt a heart-piercing pain—my wrist had fractured. At that moment, my heart almost broke: Was he really the husband I’d selected carefully? Was this the marriage I deserved? I’m his wife! How could he do that to me? From then on, I didn’t hold onto any hope for our relationship.

In April, 2016, by chance, a sister preached the Lord Jesus’ gospel to me and said, “The Lord loves us and for the sake of saving us, he was nailed to the cross.” I was moved by the Lord’s love, so I accepted His gospel. Afterward, I told the pastors of our church about the problems between my husband and me. They told me, “Only when we change ourselves first can we change others. We should love our neighbors as ourselves and love our enemies, just like the Lord.” So I tried to change myself: After work, I no longer went out with my friends to drink; when I saw my husband ignoring me and I wanted to lose my temper, I would pray to the Lord and ask Him to grant me a forgiving heart; sometimes, even if I quarreled with him, later on I would try to get through the impasse. Seeing my changes, my husband also started believing in the Lord with me. After believing in the Lord, the quarrels between us became fewer for a while. Seeing the Lord’s salvation of us, I was moved very much.

However, as time passed, I found that we still couldn’t control our emotions, and fights often broke out between us. Especially when one of us was not in a good mood, we would both have no patience or tolerance. Consequently, we quarreled more bitterly. After every quarrel, I would feel great pain within my heart. So I prayed to the Lord, “O Lord, You taught us to love our enemies, but I really can’t do it. When something that my husband does doesn’t accord with my will, I am full of defiance and dissatisfaction. O Lord, what should I do?” Later, I actively attended all the courses organized by our church, hoping to find a solution, but I failed. Then I asked the group leader for help. But he just replied, “I also often quarrel with my wife. Even Paul also said, ‘For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwells no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not’ (Romans 7:18). None of us can do anything about it.” For a moment, I felt dazed: Could it be that we have to go through our whole lifetime quarrelling?

In March, 2017, my husband, who had always been quiet, suddenly came to life and he began communicating the understanding of some verses with me. What was more unbelievable, his sharing allowed me to feel very enlightened. I was somewhat puzzled: How could he suddenly seem to have changed into another person? By accident, I found that he had joined a group on LINE. Because it was already deep in the night, I had to ask him about it the next day. The next morning, we went to our church together. Walking down the street, I asked him what he chatted about with others on the Internet. He told me seriously that he was investigating God’s work of the last days and said: “The Lord Jesus has returned and His name is Almighty God. He is expressing words and doing the work of judging and purifying mankind in the last days. This precisely fulfills the Bible’s words: ‘For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God’ (1 Peter 4:17). When we seek God’s work, we should pay attention to listening to God’s voice. If we blindly cling to our own conceptions and imaginings, if we do not seek the truth or pay attention to hearing the voice of God, and merely await the revelation of God, then we won’t welcome the return of the Lord.” Hearing this news, I was shocked, because it was so inconceivable. I recalled an Indian pastor once told us that we should humbly seek everything about the Lord, so I prayed to the Lord: “Abba, heavenly Father, if Almighty God is Your return, may You point out a clear way to me. If not, may You protect my heart so that I won’t abandon You. Amen!”

After the prayer, I opened the Bible and began to read. When I read the words in the Book of Revelation: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20), I was suddenly moved somewhat, feeling as if the Lord was speaking to me face to face. I thought: “Has the Lord really returned?” Then I also thought of the verses that the pastor explained on the Lord’s day a few days before. So I turned to John 16:12-13: “I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. However, when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.” I was very excited: If the Lord really has returned, then does it mean that the problems about my marriage will be resolved? Hence, I hurriedly asked my husband to help me contact the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God, because I wanted to study Almighty God’s work of the last days, too.

At a meeting, a sister summarized some things in the Bible and fellowshiped with me about the prophecies regarding the means of the Lord’s return, the Lord’s new name and the work done by the Lord’s return, and so on. I really wanted to know about the Lord’s work in the last days, so I continuously prayed to the Lord, asking Him to enlighten me so that I could understand His words. During the time I was studying God’s work of the last days, my husband and I quarreled with each other again because of some small matter. I felt very upset, so I asked the sister, “Why do I always quarrel with my husband instead of getting along with him calmly?” She found two passages of God’s words for me: “Before man was redeemed, many of Satan’s poisons had already been planted within him and, after thousands of years of being corrupted by Satan, he has within him an established nature that resists God. Therefore, when man has been redeemed, it is nothing more than a case of redemption in which man is bought at a high price, but the poisonous nature within him has not been eliminated. Man that is so defiled must undergo a change before becoming worthy to serve God. By means of this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt essence within his own self, and he will be able to change completely and become clean. Only in this way can man become worthy to return before the throne of God” (“The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)”). “Though Jesus did much work among man, He only completed the redemption of all mankind and became man’s sin offering; He did not rid man of all his corrupt disposition. Fully saving man from the influence of Satan not only required Jesus to become the sin offering and bear the sins of man, but it also required God to do even greater work to rid man completely of his satanically corrupted disposition. And so, now that man has been forgiven of his sins, God has returned to the flesh to lead man into the new age, and begun the work of chastisement and judgment. This work has brought man into a higher realm. All those who submit under His dominion shall enjoy higher truth and receive greater blessings. They shall truly live in the light, and they shall gain the truth, the way, and the life” (“What It Means to Truly Believe in God”).

Then she said, “In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in a happy world of togetherness with God. They could hear God’s words and enjoyed God’s love, and there was no quarrel or pain between them. However, after they listened to the serpent’s words and ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they abandoned God and lived under the domain of Satan, and they couldn’t live before God happily any longer. Then the sorrow and pain began. After we were corrupted by Satan, we became full of the corrupt disposition and poison of Satan, and started to become selfish, treacherous, arrogant, willful, and put ourselves first in all things; people even started to fight and kill each other. Though we also pray to the Lord and repent and follow the example of the Lord Jesus to love our neighbors as ourselves, as we still have corrupt satanic disposition within controlling us, we sin unceasingly. The Lord Jesus just did the work of redeeming humanity, but not the work of eliminating sin. That is to say, after we accept the Lord Jesus’ salvation, we no longer are entirely sinful, and can have the opportunity to pray before God, gain His mercy, and have our sins are forgiven. But the nature of our sins within is still deep-rooted, and we still need God to perform another stage of the work of purifying and changing people. Nowadays, God has once again become flesh and has expressed His word to do the work of judgment and purification. Only if we keep pace with God’s new work, accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and pursue the truth can our corrupt disposition be changed and can we live out the likeness of a true person. Only then will true harmony be achieved between people.”

Through the sister’s fellowshipping, I came to understand that the actual reason why we always live in a state of sinning and confessing is because we have Satan’s nature. Nowadays, God has become flesh again to do the work of judgment. As long as we accept God’s new work we will have the chance to change. At that moment, I felt somewhat moved, and thought: “There are many brothers and sisters who believe in the Lord enthusiastically in our church, but I never thought that I’d actually hear the news of the Lord’s return first. Thank the Lord! I asked, “But I still don’t really understand. This time God is uttering words to purify and change us. How do words change us?”

Then she read another passage of God’s words to me: “In the last days, Christ uses a variety of truths to teach man, to expose the substance of man, and to dissect the words and deeds of man. These words comprise various truths, such as man’s duty, how man should obey God, how man should be loyal to God, how man ought to live out normal humanity, as well as the wisdom and the disposition of God, and so on. These words are all directed at the substance of man and his corrupt disposition. In particular, the words that expose how man spurns God are spoken in regard to how man is an embodiment of Satan, and an enemy force against God. In undertaking His work of judgment, God does not simply make clear the nature of man with a few words; He exposes, deals with, and prunes over the long term. These methods of exposure, dealing, and pruning cannot be substituted with ordinary words, but with the truth of which man is utterly bereft. Only methods such as these can be called judgment; only through judgment of this kind can man be subdued and thoroughly convinced into submission to God, and moreover gain true knowledge of God. What the work of judgment brings about is man’s understanding of the true face of God and the truth about his own rebelliousness. The work of judgment allows man to gain much understanding of the will of God, of the purpose of God’s work, and of the mysteries that are incomprehensible to him. It also allows man to recognize and know his corrupt essence and the roots of his corruption, as well as to discover the ugliness of man. These effects are all brought about by the work of judgment, for the essence of this work is actually the work of opening up the truth, the way, and the life of God to all those who have faith in Him. This work is the work of judgment done by God” (“Christ Does the Work of Judgment With the Truth”).

She fellowshiped this with me, “God’s words have clearly explained how He does the work of judgment. Though God’s words are spoken plainly, they are the truth God expresses and are directed at our corrupt disposition. They are the truths we must practice so that we can be cleansed and saved. They tell us how to obey and worship God, how to live out the normal humanity, what God’s will for man is, what kind of person God punishes, what kind of person He eliminates, what mankind’s satanic nature is, and so on. Though the words are ordinary, they have authority and power, and are a manifestation of the life disposition of God. When we read God’s words of judgment and chastisement, we can feel that God is speaking face-to-face with us and that His words have thoroughly revealed our corrupt satanic disposition, our rebelliousness and resistance toward Him, and our conceptions and imaginings. Only through the judgment of God’s words can we see the truth that we have been corrupted by Satan. Therefore, we will hate ourselves and be disgusted with ourselves within our hearts, and we won’t want to live under the domain of Satan and be fooled by it anymore. Meanwhile, from God’s words of judgment and chastisement, we can see God’s holy and righteous disposition that tolerates no offense. God loathes and hates our corrupt disposition, but when we practice the truth to satisfy Him, His love and mercy will appear to us. As we continuously read God’s words and experience His judgment and chastisement, we will have had a deeper understanding of our corrupt disposition and have a better understanding of the truth expressed by God, so that we even more want to forsake our flesh and practice the truth to satisfy God. Hence, our expressions of corruption become less and less, we practice the truth easier and easier, and gradually we walk on the path of revering God and shunning evil. If we don’t experience the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, we will never have a way to live out the manner of a true person.”

Hearing her fellowshipping, I was very much moved, and felt that God’s work of judgment and chastisement is really practical and that we indeed need such judgment and chastisement. So I also prayed to God in my heart: “God, I wish for You to use Your words to water and feed me so that I can know myself and my corrupt disposition can be changed.”

Once, another sister read a passage of God’s words to me, “Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. These fantasies go to show that every person has certain requirements for marriage, their own set of demands and standards. … Marriage is an important juncture in a person’s life. It is the product of a person’s fate and a crucial link in one’s fate; it is not founded on any person’s individual volition or preferences, and is not influenced by any external factors, but completely determined by the fates of the two parties, by the Creator’s arrangements and predeterminations for the fates of both members of the couple. … When one enters into a marriage, one’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s other half, and likewise one’s partner’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s own fate in life. In other words, human fates are interconnected, and no one can complete one’s mission in life or perform one’s role in complete independence from others. One’s birth has a bearing on a huge chain of relationships; growing up also involves a complex chain of relationships; and similarly, a marriage inevitably exists and is maintained within a vast and complex web of human connections, involving every member of that web and influencing the fate of everyone who is a part of it. A marriage is not the product of both members’ families, the circumstances in which they grew up, their appearances, their ages, their qualities, their talents, or any other factors; rather, it arises from a shared mission and a related fate. This is the origin of marriage, a product of human fate orchestrated and arranged by the Creator” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). Then she fellowshiped this with me, “Getting married is predetermined by God, and if we do, the one with whom we will establish a family has also already been predetermined by God. This is God’s wise arrangement. When God arranges our marriages, He doesn’t look at our social status, nor does he look at our appearances and qualities, but instead determines each marriage according to our missions when we come into this world. However, as we are controlled by our corrupt disposition, we always have our own requirements and preferences regarding our partners, so when they aren’t in line with our will, we suffer within. This kind of pain is not caused by others, nor is it caused by God’s predetermination, but instead it is caused by our corrupt disposition.”

I recalled how my husband and I got along with each other: I was never satisfied with his performance and always demanded that he reach my standards. Otherwise, I would blame him, thinking he didn’t care about me and that everything was his fault. Not until the sister’s fellowshipping did I realize that I was really a senseless and selfish person who only thought of my own preferences and interests when doing things. Thinking it over, in reality it was not that my husband didn’t take care of me; he was just not capable of voicing his feelings. However, I forced him to do things he didn’t like, thus causing so many conflicts between us. I also thought about how he once told me, “Back then, you preached the Lord’s gospel to me and now I’m preaching the gospel of God’s work of the last days to you. This is God’s great grace for us. We are the most blessed ones.” However, I didn’t know to give thanks to God, but was full of complaints about my marriage instead. Thanks be to God. Having found the source of the suffering in my marriage, I felt calmer and more liberated in my heart.

Now, my husband and I often read God’s words and fellowship about the truth together, and also do our best to fulfill our duties. We accept the watering and nourishing of God’s words every day, so our life dispositions have changed in some ways and our lives have become fuller and fuller. What moves me the most is that because my husband’s comprehension of the truth is better than mine, he often fellowships with me about the pure comprehension of God’s words and some people’s experiences and understanding of them. When he sees me reveal my corrupt disposition, he will communicate with me about the truth and God’s will. Now that I can feel his concern and care for me, I feel very happy within. Reflecting back on the road we have taken, I am still I and he is still he, but because we have accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days and understood the truth, everything has changed. Thank Almighty God for saving us and resolving our family’s conflicts.